In addition to numerous regional teams, many sporting leagues in Australia, such as soccer (aka ‘footy’) and rugby (aka ‘footy’), are also represented by national teams which frequently meet teams from other countries to compete for various bits of tableware donated by deceased royals, or in the case of cricket (aka ‘boring’), the ashes of the deceased royals themselves. Of all the international competitions, perhaps none are more anticipated than when Australia faces off with their brethren across the Tasman Sea. Perhaps the significance of this rivalry is borne of the mere proximity of New Zealand, or maybe it has something to do with their lack of ingenuity in designing a flag. Australia’s relationship with New Zealand is akin to America’s relationship with Canada – it’s like having an annoying neighbour who always borrows your hedgetrimmers or your army without saying please or thank you.
Quite secondary to the actual outcome of the game is the time-honoured ceremony which commences the contest. Before play begins, both teams face each other at center field, where the Australians, in a stunning display of civility and patience, calmly stand still while the Kiwis perform a traditional Maori war chant in which the All Blacks describe in gruesome detail of their plans to feast upon the innards of their opponents while cleansing their backsides in fountains of Aussie blood.
The Australians respond by asking the Kiwis if they might like to go dancing.
Of course, with a final score of 34-19, there just may be something to be said for waltzing...
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- Chico, CA, United States
- Warning: I am prone to exaggeration and out right fabrication in the construction of an interesting narrative. Also, I have poor taste in clothes...
5 comments:
I still slightly piss myself giggling at the memory of I think it was the NZ footy team hakaing HRM Elizabeth at a tea in their honor.
My favorite was her polite gloved hand clapping, purse waggling at her elbow, at the conclusion of their offer to vivisect her.
The one time that the English rugby (aka 'footy') team responded appropriately — by walking up to the prancing Pakeha (doesn't anyone else find it odd to see grown white men dancing around like that? I'm just going to ignore Morris Dancers for the time being) and facing them down, there was an almighty stink, and words like 'disrespectful' thrown around with gay abandon (accusing an Englishman of being disrespectful is nearly as bad as calling cricket 'boring': it just shows that you've missed the entire point).
The most appropriate response is of course to pull down your shorts and moon them. But that tends to attract more comment, and suspension of tea.
PS. Conflict of interest: my wife is a Nu Zillunda. Therefore I have to say that while NZ made the better play, Aus took the chances that were offered more effectively. And that off-ball tackle a couple of yards from the try line should have resulted in a penalty try in favor of NZ.
Comprehending that cricket is supposed to be boring does not make it any less so.
I do find it interesting that the international sporting world, (is it by decree or unspoken consent?) agrees that the only response to the Haka is to just stand there and receive your death threats with polite composure - as did the queen and quite graciously, too. How fabulous is it, though, to be allowed, nay encouraged, to stick your tonngue out at Her Highness?
Well, yes, but it's easy to maintain composure in the face of a lot of stick-waving primitives when you have rather impressive projectile weaponry a mere wave of an elegantly-gloved finger away.
HA, I was invited to this game, but I didnt go.
Haven't fully comprehended this game yet, didn't want to waste another ticket.
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