Just About Full-Up

On Friday morning, at Milson's Point, two incongruously old pilgrims boarded the train wearing loud Hawaiian shirts and Bermuda shorts beneath their tell-tale red and orange back-packs. As they descended the stairs into my carriage, they spoke - loudly:

"GOOOOOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!! WE'RE FROM CALIFORNIA!

HOW ARE WE ALL DOING ON THIS FINE AND GLORIOUS MORNING? ISN'T IT JUST AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL MORNING? THE SUN IS SHINING. WHAT A BLESSING TO BE ALIVE TO GET TO EXPERIENCE THIS WONDERFUL MORNING."

The passengers responded with the stoic silence that unfailingly characterizes the morning commute. The pilgrims were not offended in the least:

"GEE THERE ARE A BUNCH OF GLOOMY GUSSES ON THIS TRAIN! GUESS EVERYONE NEEDS TO RUN TO THEIR COFFEE POTS AS SOON AS THEY GET TO WORK. NOT ME. I'M LIKE THIS NATURALLY EVERY MORNING. I AM HIGH ON LIFE! YESSIR, I FEEL SO FORTUNATE JUST TO BE ALIVE AND TO GET TO EXPERIENCE THIS MIRACLE OF A MORNING. YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE WEREN'T SO LUCKY TO WAKE UP THIS MORNING."

The train eased onto the harbour bridge as the commuters shifted uncomfortably around this intrusion into their morning quiet-time, helpless captives.

"WOW, YOU PEOPLE ARE SO LUCKY TO GET TO RIDE ACROSS THIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDGE ON THIS GLORIOUS MORNING, WITH THE SUN SHINING ON THE WATER, AND YOU AREN'T EVEN PAYING ATTENTION - WHY THAT LADY, THE ONE WITH THE GLASSES ON HER HAT AND THE RED HAIR, JUST HAS HER NOSE PRESSED INTO THAT BOOK, NOT EVEN NOTICING WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING IT IS. YESSIR, WE SURE HAVE BEEN ENJOYING OUR VISIT HERE. YOU AUSTRALIANS HAVE BEEN JUST GREAT. HEY!! LET'S HAVE A BIG CHEER."

A small groan swept through the cabin.

"EVERYBODY READY? AUSSIE, AUSSIE AUSSIE..."

Silence.

"OH COME ON NOW, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT ON THIS GLORIOUS MORNING. LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN - AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE..."

'oi...........oi...........oi' was spoken in flat unenthusiastic unison by the passengers, like a reluctant child forced to give an apology to the bully that started the fight.

"HAHAHA - NOW WASN'T THAT FUN? DON'T YOU JUST FEEL ALIVE? WE'RE GOING TO THE OPERA HOUSE TODAY. OH WE HAVE BEEN HAVING SO MUCH FUN!! EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SOME FUN EVERYDAY OF THIS MIRACLE OF A LIFE. DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME HERE ON EARTH WITH YOUR NOSE PRESSED INTO YOUR BOOK, LIKE THAT LADY WITH THE RED HAIR AND THE GLASSES ON HER HAT."

I'd had enough. I turned around and firmly said:

"I am also from California, and every day I strive to combat the stereotype of the obnoxious American, and in the space of one short bridge crossing, you have just unravelled all of my good work."

Their glorious smiles pinched slightly as the carriage burst into commiserative laughter.