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This year, I have decided to make a New Year’s Resolution I can keep. I resolve to waste even more time at work. To achieve this end, I have finally signed up for Face Book.


I know I am rather late to the party, so my seemingly astute observations have probably already been had and hashed out by every member of my reading audience, but it is my blog, and I can talk about myself if I want.

Confession: I have a terrible memory. Especially when it comes to people. At my high school reunion, I had to rely on my close circle of friends to tell me who was who. I remember all the names and know that I had significant interactions with them for 4-6 years, but I also smoked a lot of pot back then…at least that excuse sounds better than admitting that I evidently make a greater (or at least more lasting) impression on other people than they make on me!

I must also confess that Face Book completely baffles me. I don’t really understand how to navigate the pages and I am not sure what I am supposed to be checking on, or how often. My inbox has become flooded with various notifications and requests, and I already feel like so many conversations are passing me by…

Still, I cannot help but marvel at the frightening insight held by this suite of software. On my very first log in, I was presented with an astonishingly accurate list of acquaintances – at least 10 of whom I have sold drugs to and 4 with whom I have shared carnal knowledge…how did they know? (Oddly, my own husband did not appear on the list!)

Which leads me to the dark side of registered social networking: With the current climate of fear and suspicion in the world today, and the ever widening definition and persecution of social deviants, am I the only one afraid of accidentally befriending someone who is a friend of a friend of a known terrorist or child molester and then inconveniently finding oneself on some FBI watch list?

Furthermore, there is no doubt in my mind that Face Book is the mechanism by which the government is populating the data tables for tehir face-recognition software. The day is not far off when I will be stopped at the airport and questioned over status updates and comments that include anti-government, anti-religion, or anti-children sentiments and interrogated as to the nature of my relationship with Scott Peterson and Martin Bryant…

With that in mind, and against the back drop of my faulty memory, I have decided to simply honor ALL friend requests. Just because I don’t remember you, doesn’t mean we cannot build a meaningful virtual relationship in the here and now. Besides, when we all get arrested for conspiracy to commit something, at least I will have a strong network of friends at Gitmo.