23%

“Some amazing things just happened to my mouth.” Said Kevin.

Wait, I’ve gotten ahead of myself.

Did you know that 23% of all men suffer from excessive wind? I know that because there was a framed sign in the bathroom at the pub that said so. That was all it said. There was no further information nor suggestions for products to relieve such an affliction nor a number for a government hotline. Just a simple statement of fact. A fact with which, by the way, I take serious umbrage. For one thing, I have no doubt the statistic approaches 110%, and secondly, I disagree that they are the ones who suffer. Indeed, I think they rather enjoy it.

But that was before the amazing things happened to Kevin’s mouth. And my mouth. These amazing things came courtesy of the food artisans at the Spicy Sichuan Restaurant. It’s the type of restaurant I might have been reluctant to try on my own, because I would not have had a clue what to order, even though each menu item featured colourful photographs. Fortunately, we were there at the urging of the graduate students in my lab, who deftly, and enthusiastically, ploughed through the menu in an animated exchange with the waiter that involved much nodding and gesturing.

I’m still not quite sure what I ate, but it was amazing. There was some fish stuff. And some pork stuff with garlic – or was it garlic stuff with pork? I believe that is more accurate. There was my favourite dish of green beans with more pork stuff. There were stuffed dumplings and more fish stuff. And there was eggplant, which I generally dislike with an intensity reserved for purveyors of genocide, but which on this occasion tempted me to lick my bowl. The magical blend of garlic, spice, and peppers transported us all to a higher plane of existence, where vocabulary became obsolete and conversation limited to the making of yummy sounds.

However, my favourite part of the restaurant experience was the little shrine in the women’s toilet burning fragrant incense. No doubt because 23% of all women…