With an assumed intimacy, we fell into easy banter, swapping stories about art, musicals, and what it might be like to be fingered by an elephant. There was no exchange of the meaningless small talk such as “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” that often passes between strangers who are fully aware they will never meet again and who don’t really care about the answers to those questions anyway, but cannot think of anything interesting to say. For 45 minutes and two rounds of Cosmos, we were completely immersed in the mutual pleasure of each other’s company unconcerned for the future while cherishing the past as a source of amusing anecdotes about obsessive lovers and bad haircuts. Then we kissed and hugged goodbye and ventured off to our own separate lives.
For Kevin and I, there is nothing extraordinary about such an encounter. We often attract the company of quirky characters and love to share in feisty conversation. However, THIS encounter WAS extraordinary because in the 2 and ½ years we have been in Australia this was the first and only time an Australian has initiated congenial meaningless conversation with us under such circumstances.
I do not mean to imply that Australians are in anyway unfriendly, but there is a marked cultural difference when it comes to affable discourse between complete strangers. Australians are pleasant and helpful enough, but not in the least bit forthcoming, as if their privacy needs careful guarding in public. Being one who always speaks to strangers (usually in intimate tones and about personal matters), I can always be sure that if someone on the train is chatting me up, they are probably not native. This topic arises frequently among the Yanks Down Under when they are in the mood for a whinge, often commenting about the difficulty of making friends here.
In contrast, I have heard many accounts from Australians in the US who feel overwhelmed by the outgoing nature of Americans. Just as I feel alienated that transactions are conducted with a minimum of chit-chat, they feel annoyed that clerks and wait staff inquire after their well-being and wish them a nice day. For example:
This chattiness extended to people on the street or fellow customers in shops or
waiting in queues. Strangers seemed to have no hesitation in offering directions
if we seemed uncertain which way to go, or in offering opinions or comments
about events. I was browsing in Good Will one day when a woman near me suddenly
held out a small vase towards me and commented on how attractive it was and what
a nice gift it would make. Things like this do happen in Australia too, but they
seemed to happen more often in the US, and at more unexpected moments.
This phenomenon underscores both the difficulty and significance of an expatriate experience. Although I have gained an appreciation for the simple misunderstandings that can arise out of different cultural perspectives on propriety, in the day-to-day living, I often feel isolated and hopelessly foreign. But last night, for 45 minutes at least, I felt the warmth of simple companionship and fleeting camaraderie.
And learned some very raunchy jokes.
4 comments:
Wow, you quoted me! I'm flattered.
Hmmm, but with some formatting issues...Thanks for the lend of content!
You've summed this up so eloquently. As an Aussie in the US, strangers would try to strike up conversations with me out of nowhere and I found it profoundly un-nerving. I'd eye off the nearest exit and pitch myself thru it at the first opportunity! After nearly 4 yrs tho, I became accustomed to it and found it a very endearing trait.
Australians do not engage in small talk so readily - and especially not Aussies in cities. If were to go out in to the country (the bush LOL) and off the beaten track, they'd likely be more forthcoming. I think Aussies tend not to go out of their way to make others feel comfortable, which is a strong American theme.
When I was there, people came out of the woodwork to make things better for me. They did not want to be seen as unhelpful or ungracious, whereas I suspect (horridly) that Aussies just don't really care how they are percieved, you know?
I lived in London for 4 years and extracting a conversation out of any stranger there was like squeezing a rock and waiting for some water to come out. There simply was no conversation to be had LOL
I find Americans too outgoing when I go home these days. I've been gone too long.
Still, the Aussies are far better than the Brits. I don't think anyone willingly spoke to me for the first year I was living in the UK!
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