Perhaps it is a sorry testament to the degree of curiosity that many Americans have for lands beyond their borders, but the most frequent question I receive from folks back home is “So, do the toilets really spin clock-wise there?”
Aside from the fact that many people don’t actually say ‘clock-wise’, not being entirely sure of the direction of the Coriolis Effect in their own hemisphere, the short answer is:
“No.”
The toilets in Australia are so decidedly different that they don’t spin at all. Indeed, most toilets I have encountered flush straight down, due undoubtedly to the fact that Australia seemingly feels the need to distinguish themselves from the rest of the civilised world in small but insignificant ways. Lest you accuse me of Australia bashing, allow me to make my case for at least one advantage of the good old American Standard.
In their defence, the architecture of Australian toilets does discourage unfortunate blockage from bountiful excretory events (Dad!) through the relatively straightforward design of their porcelain p-trap system, particularly in light of the sparse amount of water that inhabits the bowl. I have yet to see a plunger among the accoutrement of an Aussie restroom. (Unfortunately, this meagre water supply does necessitate the presence of a toilet brush in every bathroom.) An added benefit to this system is that there is hardly any ‘back splash’ upon release of any deposition which might otherwise provide an instantaneous, if not entirely unhygienic, bidet-like effect. (Oh, like you don’t know what I am talking about!)
However, because of the deep and wide opening to the sewer pipe, said depositions immediately slide into a cavernous ceramic conduit, rendering them completely inaccessible for review. Mind you, I am not implying that I spend an inordinate amount of time studying my efforts, but a brief survey of ones fecal constructions can provide conspicuous clues regarding the status of one’s overall health and well being…In Australia, one might go for years with undiagnosed colonic ulcers, only to be denied an insurance claim upon returning from an overseas visit.
And of course, there are those rare but satisfying occasions when the gods of peristalsis are smiling upon you, and you just want to spend a few moments admiring the 22" replica of your entire lower digestive tract.
Just be happy there are no photographic accompaniments to this entry.
Didn’t I promise to regain my edginess after my birthday??
Which leads me to a digression…does anyone else have a mirror positioned directly across from their porcelain throne?
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12 comments:
Google German toilets. First hit.
(And 'civilized' has a 'z' in English. In Australian, it probably doesn't. Yet another minor thing where they have to distinctify themselves, in the face of all that is logical: http://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50122648 )
Oh that is good! Thank you for yet another reason to ridicule Germans.
And I KNOW how to spell, thank you. In my efforts to embrace my adopted homeland, I am attempting to conform to their ludicrous spelling habits. I even say 'zed' when I spell my name. I refuse, however to say 'double seven' or 'triple 9' when reciting numbers for the benefit of transcription. It is just a shitty thing to do, disguising laziness as cleverness.
You're just kidding, right? You don't really believe that we Aussies double and triple our numbers due to laziness? I'm pretty sure it's just a linguistic quirk handed down to us by the Brits.
We are now into the century of water shortages / wars, so let's hear it for the great Australian invention of the dual-flush toilet!
http://www.powerhousemuseum.com/australia_innovates/?behaviour=view_article&Section_id=1040&article_id=10044
"In 1956 Charles Rothauser, a Hungarian immigrant, renamed his plastics company "Caroma" and began manufacturing bathroom products, including the world's first one-piece plastic toilet cistern (the cistern is the water tank above the toilet that stores the flush).
"In 1994 the company completely redesigned the toilet in stylish porcelain in a modern 'organic shape'. Its 6 and 3 litre dual flush cistern and matching bowl halved the amount of water normally flushed away.
"This combination of style and environmental awareness attracted attention in the tough European sanitaryware market and exports began soon after. The product is now shipped to more than 30 countries worldwide."
No, I don't really believe the double number jazz is due to laziness, but it is bloody annoying. Australia has done a good job jetisoning ridiculous British customs. Why keep this one? I can see how it may come in handy in a advertisement when you are hoping to create a phonic impression in the memory banks, but when you are trying to write a string of numbers, the double or triple creates a pause of uncertainty on the part of the listener so that by the time you recieve the actual digit, which now must be written two or three times, the speaker is already three digits further into the number forcing a confusing and time wasting dialogue of repetition and confirmation.
Why not keep the "double three" whatever way of saying things? No-one seems to have a problem with it or else it would change. It doesn't matter what the origin of the system is - if it ain't broke, why "fix' it? (Presumably by mass forced coercion to the Americna way.)
*sigh*
Well, I think it really comes down to what someone's accustomed to. For my part, I know it causes me less confusion when, say, "7777" is rendered into "double-seven, double-seven", as against "seven-seven-seven-seven" - I always find myself losing track of the quantity of "sevens" and needing to doublecheck that it's not three sevens, or five, or whatever... and as that's far too many numerals for any one comment, I think I'll stop now.
Audra, if you're such a whiz how could you fail to apply the first rule of spelling to the word receive four comments up. i.e., "i before e except after c." How does one capitalize the last sentence?
...because I am a lazy alcoholic who is fond of run-on sentences...Are you the same commentor who wrote Americna?
And Curious, yes indeed it is a matter of what one is accustomed to. (Eek, I hate to end a sentence in a preposition, but couldn't find an elegant way around it in this case.) Perhaps one of the biggest joys (and, likewise, frustrations) of international travel is being exposed to new ways of living, new ways at looking at the world. Sometimes this alternative view opens your mind to new ideas; other times, it reaffirms notions you may have taken for granted. It is not a matter of right and wrong, good and evil. It is education, and that is good.
One pitfall of the written word is that, in the absence of first hand knowledge about the author's personality, the reader fills in the gaps and may superimpose their own prejudices upon a narrative, particularly one which they find agressive or offensive.
Please know that my observations about the differences between Australia and America are genuinely borne of good natured amusement, and not of any sort of adversarial spite. My comments here are meant to serve as entertainment, not dogma.
Trust me, no one that knows me well takes me very seriously. I adore my host country and am very grateful for the opportunity to live here. I have no intention of changing Australia, and certainly not through forced coercion. But I will continue to note the differences for my friends back home who don't have the luxury or the inclination to travel abroad.
I mis-typed "Americna' but did not contribute the other comment.
I don't see anything adversarial going on, merely, I think that in today's globalised world, no-one should assume that one country's (any country's) way of doing things is the kind of default that is somehow a universal ideal that every other country should aspire to.
Bloody hell, Audra, you touched a nerve or three there.
I'd just like to assure you that this is only my second comment in this thread.
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