Dualies

"Well the way I think of it is that the love I have for my homeland is like the love I have for my mother...But the love I have for Australia is like the love I have for my bride."
                                             -Some Pomme Bastard

Today Kevin and I married Australia.

After several grueling weeks of filling out forms, photocopying documents, and collecting signatures from recognized authorities - Oh, and sending checks to mysterious offices - we completed our application for Australian Citizenship.  Last week, we sat 'the exam' - a 20 question quiz that proves your qualifications to assimilate into this country by demonstrating your knowledge of social customs, parliamentary structure, and obscure cricket facts such as '1. a) What is the record for most consecutive centuries scored in a single test match? b) Who holds the record?  c) How many balls did he face in his career?'

We passed the exam with flying colo(u)rs and returned to the immigration office for 'the ceremony'.  Along with a dozen other inductees, we were ushered into a small room and handed a pledge card, a copy of the National Anthem, and a small yet highly waveable Australian flag.  Before we took the pledge, we were required to watch a syrupy short film of recent immigrant testimonials about what becoming an Australian citizen means to them (see above).  It was, of course, quite emotional and I managed to choke back the tears until they showed a clip of an old man lawn bowling.  The ability to participate fully, without reservations or feelings of alienation, in the remarkably unathletic sport of lawn bowling is a privilege of citizenship I have previously underestimated.

The pledge cards came in two versions.  Group 1 stood up and recited their pledge, followed by the much smaller Group 2.  I don't recall checking the box on the application, but I was relieved to find myself liberated from the obligation of declaring my loyalty 'under God' and not at all dismayed to know that I am now on the national list of registered atheists.

Had I known I would be required to sing Australia Fair out loud in a small room full of multicolored strangers, I may have opted to forgo the whole ordeal, but there was no backing out now.  Is there a UN requirement that all national anthems contain one entirely unachievable musical note?   At least we were only required to sing the first verse, because in truth, very few native born Australians know the second, and the the third verse was officially dropped several years ago.  Thank God.  I was surprised that I actually knew the melody...It really is a crap song.  Girt by sea, indeed!  Tie Me Kangaroo Down would be a better choice - more suited to drunken rejoicing.

My first order of business as an Australian Citizen was to go to the toilet.  I nodded a mute recognition to the young blond girl emerging from the stall, she having been among the recently pledged.  However, I was compelled to break my silent musings as I unbuttoned my pants:

"Don't you want your flag?"

"Yeah, not really.  I mean, it's not like I'm going to hang it on the wall in my room or anything.  I mean seriously."

"Well, you could attach it to your car antenna on Australia Day, or at the very least, stick it in a shoe box and look at it again when you are 80."

"Yeah, I guess I could do that."

Exiting the stall upon the completeion of my first official duty, I handed the flag back to her.  

"I really don't care what you do with it, but as a proud member of society, I would be remiss if I allowed you to leave it lying on the dirty floor of a public loo."  I somehow managed to not add the word 'twat' to the end of the sentence.

So I am now a dual citizen - which fundamentally means that I am required to participate in the Australian democratic process and I can legally go to Cuba.  I was delightfully surprised at how well Australians receive the news, despite their highly publicized xenophobia.  They are quite welcoming and proud that I have made this commitment.  There is no sense of loss or threat on their part - an attitude not uncommon towards immigrants in the US...but then, I am white and speak English reasonably good.  (Don't.  It is meant to be a joke.)  It all happened so quickly, that I have barely had time to gauge the gravity of the decision I have just made, but I am curious to see if and how it impacts my feelings of belonging and integration, to see if I will begin to feel less like a foreign observer and more like a genuine participant.  I am already considering running for local office.

 But first, I gotta go buy some lawn bowls.